To love and To have Lost: Part 1

Ageing is weird. Its funny and strange and as the years go by, its gets funnier and stranger and rather unseemly as to how we react to the most normal and predictable process known to mankind in the most unusual and unwelcome change in all of us.

We spend the first half of our lives pining and hoping to understand the secrets of the mystical and magical world of adults where whispers and secrets are the only language known and the mysteries that take place behind closed doors and in hush-hushes is by far the only shot of adrenaline that we will ever need. We spend pining over a life that not only do we not know and aren’t ready for but also for a life that is so unpromising and so anti-climatic.

You lose the one’s you love, with no warning signs and no disclaimers. You lose them over small arguments and large door slamming, fleeing the countries and saying Goodbyes in every way but the uttering of those exact words.

You understand yourself better, in so many more ways that you could have ever imagined and don’t get me wrong, this IS NOT necessarily a good things. You understand that underneath all the layers that you keep so well polished and so well kept, you are dark and accepting that darkness is probably most of the second half.

You love more and less. You love less because you know what it is to have lost, and you love more because in the blink of an eye you have gone from 12-20 and you have understood that if if all of  life’s moments are going to be a blink’s worth, we might as well make it count. We might as well create a few “oops” moments in our lives.

The latter part of life well and truly begins at loss and might I add, it also mostly ends in loss. And let me remind you and emphasize it it as much as I really can with words projecting from a screen; you will grieve the loss of people who are alive. You will understand what it is to have been walked over and have been left to your devices to understand what happened. The blur of the moment is sometimes all it is; it is a blur; a foggy screen and a comma rather than a full stop. You will lose in so many more ways than one, a precious earring, a gifted pen, a  few memories stolen from right under your nose and a few reminders that just don’t seem important enough- all Lost from the ground that you stand on.

You are constantly drowning and resurfacing. Drowning in the sea of memories that you never seem to get out of; sinking and never wanting to come back up (note: wanting). And resurfacing, the world above sea. To be making new memories while being lost in another world is a challenge in itself, I would say.

 

  • Part 1
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