If you ask me to, I’d say yes to anything Love. I’ll cross oceans and travel a thousand miles to be with you. If you ask me, I’ll move mountains and tress. I’ll cross bridges and burn walls to be near you. Why don’t you see that as I stand before you; holding my heart in my palm, offering it to you with every ounce of being that I have. Can you not see this?
I’m standing all the way here and you are all the way there and I’m just admiring you in your niche. I am standing so close but you seem to be in a galaxy of your own. You are so comfortable in your skin and that is so magnificent. Your eyes are far away looking at the horizon and your ears are soaking up the sound of the waves crashing against the shore and all I can do is stand here and look at you and just stare. Wonderstruck and in complete awe of what you are and who I have fallen in love with.And all I can I think is that What are the universe’s strange plans for us that they brought a mermaid to an ordinary fisher. They brought the whole galaxy at the feet of an astronomer and a the whole fucking world at my feet and I don’t know how carefully or recklessly to treat you. Do I let you free or do I keep you all to myself? Do I lose myself into your mystical worlds or do I stay on earth and keep us both grounded?
And all these questions are just reminders of exactly why we are together. How you can just stand and look into the horizon and seem like a frickin mermaid to me and all that is stopping me from wrapping you in my arms and kissing every inch of your body is the fact that the wind is blowing your hair away from your face and your chin is highlighted and all pointy in the end of it is on display and the mole right next to your eye is somehow clearer and all these little details are driving me crazy and I don’t know what to do with all of them. You are too much in one all at once and I wasn’t expecting this in my everyday life and you came and you stood on the same square of a tile that I had been on for the past decade and you shook the ground beneath me and you showed me that there was room to move around and I didn’t know how much I needed this until you showed me.
But I guess all I’m trying to tell you is that You are too much and in front of you, I feel weak and unworthy. And Im standing all the way when you turn and smile at me and start walking towards me and I am alright. Just like that. There is no place I’d rather be and no one I’d be with. I am shaking my head and smiling at how a man like me could ever take in a woman like you let alone get bored by you.
And you never realize how important her constant humming is. How the deep and peaceful breaths she takes while asleep are the reason that you slip into sleep as well. You never understand how truly important it is to come to a home that is overflowing with her scent and her things strewn about and her socks in two different corners and the contents of her handbag all over the table; probably looking for a tissue which had an important phone number. You never realize how crucial it is to get that midday text or call, to be reminded that she is on the other side, always thinking and worrying about you. You never stop and wonder how important she is until she’s gone for days at a time. When the house smells like the sun and the place is spotless and the doors are shut and the bed is empty. And the missing consumes you.
And I will wait through the rainy clouds and the stormy night. Outside your door step; drenched and cold. I will wait for you to open your door and let down the high walls that go far beyond the welcome mat of your house. I will wait because that is what I am willing to do for the rest of my life. I will wait this out and keep waiting until you let me in once and for all.
Watch my relentless love outside your door step, through your water stained window. Raise those blinds and open that damn front door. I will walk in and never leave like the others did. I will never leave when the tide is high and the time is tough.
How many times are you willing to deny this love of mine?
So screw reason and throw away the goddamn logic outside your bedroom window. Stop wondering if it makes sense and if its the right thing to do; because if you have to wonder,then it probably isn’t right and thats very much okay. Stop second guessing every decision you’re making, hoping for it to be right, always. It wont be. You need to make really horrible decisions every so often. You need to stumble and fall and stay on the ground for quite sometime to truly navigate your way back. I cannot emphasize this enough, but make mistakes, TONS of them. The kind of mistakes that make you want to turn back in time and reverse them immediately. The kind that make you launch into a series of gibberish followed by a seris of obscene swear words that arequite indecipherable. And lastly, the kind of mistakes that you knew you were going to pay for way before you even decided on them.And do really dumb stuff that you know will leave scars and bruises along with eternally embarassing things that you know will haunt you.
Savor the feeling of being alive. Of breathing in this rusty, polluted dust filled air every frikkin second. Embrace the fact that you have so much to lose.. Because thats so special. Embrace the adventure that is constantly being thrown your way and embrace the madness and the feeling of opening a door and being on top of a cliff and falling over. Tumblimg helplessly into oblivion. Embrace this nerve pumping fear and live a little.. Or live a lot actually. A whole lot. Live for the people in the graveyards who couldnt live for it all and live for the child in you that yearns to be let lose. Live for all of them and live a whole lot.
And he will never be what you were to me. He will never hold me the way you did. Never make me shiver with his touch like yours did. He will never be able to make my laugh till my lungs are out paced and my belly aching from the laughter. He will never hold me late at night talking about everything and nothing. He will never tell me that Im being an annoying pain in the ass like you always did. He will never call me in the middle of the night after that terrifying dream that He just had.
So when you see me walking down the street, hand in hand with him, laughing carelessly at something he just saw or heard, remember that you your chance and you blew it. You could’ve been here holding my hand and jumping with me and holding a warm cup of coffee on a cold morning but you friggin blew it. So stand back and watch me leave knowing all the while that if it came down to picking, I would always pick you. Always. But you never stood for the picking. You never turned around and came back.