“You talk a big talk but can you walk as big?” She smirked and asked him expecting him to be equally cocky; if not more.
He answered, knowing exactly where this was going, “How many times do I need to tell you that that I will flirt with a thousand girls and I will even smile at them in a way that will make them believe that I am the man for them and some day I will take them to a far away land with rainbows and unicorns and beautiful flowers and exotic weather, but that eventually I will wind back to this beautiful face of yours and this enchanting laugh of yours that makes me want to say silly things all the time, only to hear the sound of that gurgling laughter of yours over and over again. That when I’m with you all I can think of what about you shall I be able to take in today? What about you will I go home and recall because it is all too overwhelming, Your smile, your eyes, your lips, your hands.. they are all a little too much for one person to hold. And all I’m really doing is trying to pass away the time that I have on my hands before it is finally time for Us.”
She laughed out loud, knowing where this conversation was leading, precisely where it led to all the time. But somewhere deep down but paradoxically quite on the surface, she felt a little hope surging through. Even though she knew all of his mind tricks and his mantra’s and his cute little smirk and that face he had when he was mid smiling and laughing and his ‘I need to ruffle my hair every five seconds because the human race will seize to exist if I don’t,’ she knew that there was something about them.. about her that made him want to be more than just the person he was and the things he always kept saying held some meaning… At least she wanted to believe that they did. She wanted to hold on to every word and wanted to think of the little things that happened during the time that he was speaking. The way his nose twitched or the way that his hair looked extra brown this evening or the fact that his voice had seemed quite sincere for the first time this evening. She wanted to believe more than anything that this was real and some day they would stop laughing at this and actually look each other in the eyes and say all these things with all the meaning that they held. She desperately wanted to believe that there was some truth to all this.
She looked up at him and saw him staring right back at her. She looked, really hard and searched for the truth. She wanted him to say this to her over and over again. She wanted to say all the things that she had been mashing down. All the feelings that had been brimming for so long but all she could say was, “So basically, I’m on a waiting list, precisely on the END of the waiting list. Gee, thanks.”
He started laughing, really shaking and laughing, so whole heartedly that she couldn’t help but laugh with him and they laughed as loud and as manically as they always did. They laughed at the regular occurrence of this conversation and how every time, it took a new turn and a few layers were peeled back, but never all of them. And maybe they laughed to numb the pain that they both felt every time they talked about this, and how neither one of them was brave enough to say the truth.
And somewhere, in between the laughing and the commenting.. there was a brief moment of truth where he held on to her hand; sudden and fast and he squeezed tight, as if trying to assure her that he would come back for her, over and over again.
And just like that the moment passed and they were back to being best friends again, nothing more.. and never quite enough.