For the longest time in my life, I thought I would never be able to forget you, let alone forgive you. I thought I would forever carry the ghosts of my pasts into every avenue of my future. I thought that no matter how old I got, I will forever be that 15 year old who thought that good things only happened once and they lasted forever. I thought that I was invincible to all things bad. That no matter how far ahead I got in life, I would always look back and seek your approval. I thought that your presence was vital for my survival, my thought process .And every action of mine required your permission. Because that is what all 15 year old girls think when a boy shows them that they are pretty and smart and spontaneous and clever. They heave a sigh of relief and feel like their purpose on this planet has now been fulfilled. We are running on such low self esteems, that a single compliment, a cute smile or a wave or even a tilt of the head leads us to believe that we are important in that person’s life. That our place is kind of a special one. And we can now finally join the clan of other similar beings who feel the need to be validated by boys.
Today, I don’t miss you. I don’t need you to give me your opinions or your takes on life. Today, I am doing what I am doing without the fear of being judged or questioned or even appreciated by you. Today, I may not stand tall, but I most definitely do stand on my two feet, no crutches.. no YOU.
And I hope you read this and you know this. I hope you know that once upon a time a lot of my life circled around you, but not anymore. I thought that I could never be happy again, never try again. I am so glad that I am smiling, all day, everyday.
Thanks to you I guess?