Don’t seek me out when you are feeling alone. Don’t seek me out when you are suffocating in your solidarity and I am the only one who can help you out of your misery. Don’t look for me at 3am in the morning, when your thoughts are haunting and frightening and quite frankly; dangerous. I don’t want to be that person who helps you out of your darkest times because that just means that I am not the first person you turn to. If you only come looking for me in your sorrows then you are sharing your smiles with someone else while I’m losing my mind over how I can help you. Don’t seek me out when you need escape from the darkness that you so often enter. Don’t share your sorrows with me if you won’t laugh with me.. make me laugh. Don’t call me crying if you won’t come looking for me.
Don’t use me as an emotional dump and expect me to be okay with that. You are not allowed to do this to me and expect me to be okay with that. Don’t do this to me, or anyone for that matter. Don’t make me stay up nights and have restless days because of all your problems. Do you not realize how much I am willing to give up for you? Do you not understand that every word you say pierces through my heart and stays there and takes over all of my day and all I want to do is drive 300 miles to where you are and hold you close until all your sorrows are mine and all my happiness is yours. How can you be so blind to my love for you? How could you not see how much of me actually belongs to you. Do you not understand that I would drop everything now and just be there, next to You? Do you not see that my eyes and nose and lips and arms and legs, all move at the pace that you want them to..? I am yours. As much as I hate it and resent myself more than anyone else, I am undeniably yours and I am helpless. I am a prisoner in the four walls that I built around you and right now, even though I want to escape this; I can’t.
I am here and I will always be here, right here for you and you fail to see this time and time again.. Why? Why am I invisible to you when you are reason for my existence? Why am I standing still while you are moving? Why am I stranded at this lonely island where I am constantly trying to be someone you would notice and you are so busy chasing all things wrong?