The truth is that I’ve been feeling a little bit empty on the inside.. Very empty. I’ve been feeling this void that has been expanding. This space in me that is somehow only getting bigger. I try. I promise that I ty. I try to fill it up with new people and new places. With new monuments and new song lyrics. I try to laugh as much as I can and as loud as I can. I try to keep learning new things. New languages or new cultures and traditions. I try to accept the newness around me. I try to acknowledge the fact that things will never be the same again. That You and I will never Be Us Again. I try. Believe me when I tell you that I try to the very core of my being. I try to understand everything you said over and over again. I try to wake up everyday hoping to get past this.. Get through this. I’m hoping that one day I spring out of bed rather than having to drag myself out of it. That I don’t need two shots of espresso to get my eyes to finally adjust with the light. I’m hoping that one day I wake up and NOT have to console myself about the things you said and the things you left me behind with.
I’m hoping that one day, You’ll come at my doorstep and take it all back. I’m hoping that that will be the day that you wrap me in your arms once and for all. I’m hoping that this misery will finally be over and done with. I’m hoping that I’ll wake up and realize that the darkness has finally been lifted from above me and I don’t need to slouch and crawl through my days anymore.
But that day isn’t today.
Today is just like any other day since you left. You left not knowing the chaos that you were leaving behind.. Almost just like you came.
And what they say is true… A storm never comes with a warning. It comes and washes you away and it leaves you behind to deal with the mess. And you were my storm. The only storm that I needed to wake up from that lucid life that I was living.
Little did I know that I would be left behind feeling even more Dizzy and Blinded.